My sister is pregnant. We’re having lots of talks about the transformative process of pregnancy and Motherhood, about growing up while we grow others (in utero and beyond). We began to talk about birthing and what birth plan felt best for her. The conversation became not about where she would feel most comfortable giving birth, but about the intention we consciously bring to whatever choices we make. If given the option, it doesn’t ultimately matter whether you have a home birth or a c-section, it matters that you’re making a choice, a thoughtful choice. And this got me thinking about the women in the world who tell women like my sister, “Birth doesn’t matter. Just get that shit over with!”
To that I passionately reply:
YOU matter. Your thoughts matter. Your energy matters. That baby inside of you matters. BIRTH matters. Everything matters. We are MATTER, made up of the infinite, dreams and bones. The intention with which you bring your baby into the world matters deeply. We post on social media about lives mattering, but do we put intention into our own lives? Do we make matter of our own existence? Do we look deeper? Do we seek answers to our deep lingering queries? Do we take the time to face those awkward, empty, throbbing, buried-in-a-body queries? While we’re plastering our “values” onto screens with apps and hashtags, are we living them? Your little life, you know the one you think no one sees like a drop in the ocean, yeah, well it really, really matters. YOUR LIFE RIPPLES. It is the place where your child is going to learn about being human, (which can be a pretty complicated journey. It’s useful to have someone who has traversed their inner terrain). This life of yours will sustain another who will hopefully go forth into the world and make it a better place. Doesn’t your life deserve intention, inquiry, exploration, presence, truth? Live. On. Purpose.
Many of us have so much privilege. Many of us don’t worry about where our next meal is coming from or when the bombs will hit. We have the privilege to live outside of basic survival, and yet many don’t. In order to thrive we have to transcend the patterns and habits of thought and action that keep us in survival mode.
Why stuff the infinite into a suitcase (bodybag) and travel the Earth if you’re never going to unpack?
Unpack! Unpack! Make a mess. Be a mess. Then learn how to truly clean it up. Welcome that baby into your humanity, show it how we do this thing! Show it how we grow our spirit, how we unravel the mystery of ourselves one bit at a time. Be a model. Be a guide. Unpack your shadow, bring it your light. Set out to solve the mystery of the universe by coming to know your own infinite self, and die with the satisfaction of still knowing so little. Experience everything life wants to offer you. Birth is amongst Life’s greatest awe, and privilege for a woman. Face it all.
And be generous. Be generous with your child. Give them all of you. Be generous with your partner especially when you think they least deserve it, and when you can’t muster any more, take five. Dig deeper, theres always more in there, more in you. And be most generous with yourself. Take up space in your life. Be spacious, loving and tolerant of your whole self, especially all your loathsome fears and tiny terrors and mishaps in communication. Love yourself too when you consciously eat the last cookie that you knew your kid was hoping would be there in the morning. In this case you lie through your teeth about what happened to the cookie… just kidding! Make amends and empathize deeply with their disappointment. Sometimes life swipes your cookies. It’s hard. And because you’ve unpacked your own stuff, because you are well traveled, you can bring compassion to both the deepest pains and the shallowest disappointments life has to offer us all. Because you matter to you, you can make everyone around you matter too. You can bring that holy importance to everything you do, from the energy you bring to your birth to how you show up on a regular ol’ day.
So the next time someone tells you not to make everything so precious, not to be so deep, or so sensitive, or that giving birth is something to just get over with… please recall my words. Hear my voice telling you that life is not meant to be dulled down and numbed out. Life, birth (and death for that matter), is meant to be felt, seen, experienced fully. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t float along with the herd, as though living life in deeply etched grooves is easy breezy, like there’s no reason to question the routine, to check in with your own inner whisper, your own truth.
You can sleep when you’re dead. Sleeping is not why we are here. We’re here to wake up! How many generations will it take before your lineage breaks free from patterns so baked in, it’s a wonder that any of us even has the power to crack the mold. Except, we do! We were born to crack molds and reach our deeper potential. And we do that by feeling all of life and being a meaning maker, knowing that our Life, the Life Force Energy inside of us, God/Goddess is always waiting to show us the way deeper into our truth. Feel the pain and the glory and the in-betweenness. Be a light that shines in your truth so others can find theirs. It ALL matters. We all matter, because as matter, we are what the world is truly made of.